Radical self-care for mothers with Lotte Huisman
I know Lotte for quite some years and recently I saw something very interesting on her timeline, her new business ‘Radical Being, self-care for mothers’. I really liked this idea, cause as someone who doesn’t want children, motherhood is something I don’t know much about. I am always open to learn more about things I am not familiair with. We planned a call to see if we could work together somehow. We discovered there are similarities in what we do. We both help humans on their way to more self-love and acceptance. And we both do it radical.
Describe yourself in 5 words?
Open, curious, free, radical being
Who is a Radical Being?
A Radical Being is someone who makes the choice to stop doing every once in a while, to turn inward and to just be. To ask themselves the question “Who am I?” without expecting to find an answer. In this world that is so focused on doing, being is a skill that must be remembered, relearned. The choice to do this is a radical one; a choice that requires bringing your entire self into it, and one that has the potential to transform you and your life drastically. With my business Radical Being I aim to inspire and motivate mothers to make this radical choice.
Why did you start with Radical Being?
Radical Being is specifically focused on mothers. I want to note that – obviously – not all people that take care of children identify as female. However, I am convinced that mothers face a unique set of challenges, which are different from those that fathers face. Also important to note is that not all mothers are birth mothers, and not all birth mothers are (primary) caregivers. There are also mothers whose children are not alive anymore or were never born. Also, for anyone identifying and/or socialized as female it is a perfectly valid choice to not have children, period.
I think motherhood is incredibly powerful and even potentially revolutionary; as mothers we shape the next generation, with our bodies and with our love. Every act of selfless and unconditional love is a micro-revolt in this society that’s so focused on individual success and material gain. And, if we’re willing to do the (inner) work ourselves, we can be a vehicle of healing intergenerational trauma. This has the potential to change the world, alter the relationship we have as humanity to each other and the world around us. At the same time, the work we do as mothers is often isolated and unseen, judged in many ways by society and highly demanding on our bodies, minds and souls. I found myself longing for the proverbial village that we do indeed need to raise a child.
With Radical Being I wanted to create this village, a community of mothers where we inspire, motivate and uplift each other, share our burdens and help each other to take care of ourselves. So that we can be the true force that we potentially are. The tool I bring into this community is yoga, an ancient system of wisdom and techniques that help us to connect to ourselves, to our being, and to something greater we long to be a part of.
Why is it important for mothers to spend time on developing self-acceptance and self-love?
Being a mother takes a lot of energy. We all know that we need to spend time to take care of ourselves, but sometimes we get in our own way because deep down we believe that we’re not worth taking care of. This has a lot to do with a persistent stereotyped view of mothers (and those socialized as women in general) that is harmful and forms a barrier for many of us to embrace and enjoy motherhood fully. In order to experience yourself as worthy of the care that you need to do your important work, it is vital to cultivate a deep sense of self-acceptance and self-love.
How would you describe your own relationship with your body after giving birth? How did it change?
Being pregnant and giving birth deepened and evolved the relationship with my body and made it more complex. There is this massive achievement of growing and releasing a human being into the world. For quite a while I knew rationally that this achievement should make me super proud of my body, but I didn’t quite feel this. A lot of the time I just felt weak, flabby, terribly unsexy and frustrated that I didn’t fit into my old clothes. I guess a lot of this has to do with society’s view of what a beautiful body looks like, and not fitting into that view.
Yet, when I saw my babies growing just by being breastfed it did make me proud, seeing how I could comfort them by making our bare skin touch filled me with joy. But it definitely took some time and work to really start appreciating this changed body, with its marks and scars, a different kind of strength, a different kind of softness.
What tip can you give mothers in general to improve their relationship with their bodies?
Connect to your body daily, ask it questions, touch it, look at it. Nourish it with food that makes it happy. Appreciate all its changes, from hour to hour, day to day, throughout your cycle, throughout your life. Don’t demand that it stays the same. Thank your body for all the massively important work it does. Thank your feet for carrying you. Think of your body as worthy of pleasure, of gentle touch, of being caressed. Move your body in ways that feel good to you. Dance with your eyes closed. Sing. Realize strength comes in many shapes. Recognize softness might be what the world needs most right now.
Your theme for August is ‘sexuality’. Why this theme and can you tell more about this?
For many of us, motherhood affects the relationship with our sexuality. It can be as simple as the very practical “But how, when, where?” with small children around. Often it is connected to the way you feel towards your (changed) body, the experience you had with conception and childbirth, the effect of motherhood on your desire, sexual needs and preferences. And also – again – this warped idea society has of what a mother’s body is and should be and the way you relate to this. In the month about sexuality I want the mothers in the Radical Being Community to learn to embrace themselves as sexual beings on their own terms, cultivate feelings of love, compassion and deep worthiness towards their own bodies and hold space for their own and each other’s experiences with sexuality.
Do you want to be part of Lotte’s Radical Community? Sign-up here.